Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A life turned sideways

Before I was diagnosed, I lived a pretty normal life. But let me take you back a bit farther.

When I was a child and throughout my teen-age years I felt like I was shut off. Closed off from the world. I honestly was depressed and felt so alone. I was angry towards others and didn't care who saw it. I had a limited amount of friends because I didn't know how to show happiness. This feeling lasted well into my twenties, until I was 22.
I met Ricky in 2007. He was totally different from other people I had dated. But in every way we were great for each other. We began seeing each other and quickly moved in together. We even moved to another state! We barely knew each other but if felt as though I had known him for years. Our relationship was totally normal. Bickering and fights did occur, but we always managed to speak with each other about our differences in a healthy way. Two years into our life together I became pregnant. I thought I had a nasty bug that was going around but doctors told me, 'Ugh, your really pregnant!' I was shocked but ecstatic! I have always wanted to be a mom. And waited for the day to come to hear those words. I was on cloud nine. When we went to our appointment to hear the babies heart beat for the first time, we were joking with the nurses and having so much fun. The nurse casually asked us to wait for a moment so that she could get another doctor to look at the sonogram. My heart sank. I immediately started to cry because I knew what had just happened. Doctors could not find a heart beat.
I was crushed. It took me a very long time to understand why, and come to terms with it. It just didn't seem fair. I now realize everything happens for a reason!
On September 11th 2011, another crazy thing happened in my life! Ricky asked me to marry him. I was the happiest person on earth. I was shocked at the same time because I never thought it would happen lol!!
We planned on getting married on November 12th of that same year. Literally, a month after the engagement and a month before the wedding I was diagnosed with cancer. We put off the wedding due to insurance reasons. Hopefully one day we will have everything come together as planned. But that's the crazy thing about life, you never know whats going to happen!!

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