Tuesday I was faced with the hardest decision of my life thus far.
Before I can start my new treatment plan, I needed to see a fertility doctor to see what my odds are for having a child in the future. The doctor was extremely nice and very informative. I felt at ease hearing that there was a chance that one day I could conceive. He then explained to me that a young woman my age who is healthy should have around twenty eggs stored in her ovaries. He gave me a ultrasound to see the damage of the chemo I had already had, and to get an estimate of my egg count.
I only had eight eggs that he could physically see. My chances then dropped even more! There is always a chance that the eggs won't survive or won't take when I am ready to have a child. The chance of having a disabled child because of the toxins in my body is there also. Then they hit me with a huge bomb!! I need to have $10,000 by next Tuesday which is one week from now. I immediately broke down. My dreams were just shattered by mere numbers, paper and statistics!
I have always known that I wanted to me a mother. To hear this news was shocking and devastating! I had to make a choice: to try and figure out the money situation and go for the procedure or let life take its course. I ultimately have decided not to continue with the fertility treatments. First I am being rushed and have no time. I have learned through this experience that when you rush things they usually don't end up great. Second, I have a slim chance that it will work because of the amount of eggs I have and the toll my body has endured through this process already. And Third, a week to receive $10.000 is crazy!! I hope that I am making the right decision and that I defy all odds! Maybe my role in life is to adopt a child in need of a great loving home. I don't know! But now I have to live with this decision for the rest of my life! It's going to be difficult to stay strong but I know I have to! I can't give up!!