Lately I have been feeling like I have been missing out on a lot that is happening around me. My life is consumed by this cancer and that entails waiting on Dr.s and going to appointments, stressing, worrying, and developing some bad habits. While I am doing all this it seems the world is going on without me, but why wouldn't it?
My friends are having fun going to baseball games, traveling, concerts, exercising, and doing other random things that make them happy. Although at the moment I can still go do all of these things I just feel like I'm being held back by something. My fiance is getting ready to go do a fun marathon next weekend and he has been preparing for it for about six months now. He is working hard and getting excited about it. I am very happy for him, but all I think about is wow, I wish I had something to look forward to. All I see in my future is a hospital bed. He also coaches soccer which makes him feel on top of the world, I have yet to feel like this about anything.
I really wish I could go back in time and fix things that were starting to unravel and I just didn't notice.
It is hard to sit and think what life is going to be like after I am done with this. I know things will never be the same. When I was younger I never would have imagined my life like this. I either thought I would be married with a beautiful family or polar opposite, traveling and seeing the world. Hopefully one day I will reach my goal, But at the moment I just feel stuck.